Jeremiah

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03:58 pm: Rebuilding From Broken
There are many ways to start over.

You can do what I did: Walk away from everything, begin fresh, leaving everything behind that you don't want in your life and gathering new influences. This, I think, should be only the most desperate and final of moves, however, as you are essentially killing off yourself so that you can emerge anew.

You can do what I'm doing: Take a bad thing and turn it into a good thing.

I just had to have surgery for a hernia. The past month or two I've been pretty much a waste of space, having only enough energy to keep the 20 month old toddler alive and the house standing. I've been in pain; every move an exercise in not wincing or showing off how much it really hurt.

And now that hernia's been cut out. The only pain is the incision from the surgery itself.

While I was in pain I walked away from the things that were too hard; the exercise fell to the wayside, the cleaning of the house became a "nice thing" rather than a "goal." I turned off my HabitRPG account that held me accountable every day for the things I said that I would do.

But I did all of this knowing that I could rebuild, once the surgery was over.

And it's over.

Now is the time to reevaluate who I want to be and who I want to become. What's important to me? What's important to the other people in my life, the people I care about? What's feasible?

Especially that; what's feasible?

Because it's easy for me to say that I'm going to launch back into the fitness routine I had started a few months ago. Crunches and push-ups daily, with jumping jacks and running in place. I'd be lying my ass off if I said it though; there's no way this cut in my gut would allow me to handle any of that.

I have to move slowly to put myself back together. I hate moving slowly, even when it's the only way that works.

First, I turn my HabitRPG account back on. I gather a few daily to dos that I can do, like cleaning the living room and keeping the dishes clean. I read books more, write some reviews that I didn't have energy to write before, when I was hurting. It's amazing how pain clouds the mind as much as how much it just hurts the body.

Slowly I'm coming back together.

Ever so slowly.

Piece.

By.

Piece.

Comments

[User Picture]
From:x_disturbed_x
Date:April 14th, 2014 08:41 pm (UTC)
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Sometimes you just have to take things slowly... which isn't always easy admittedly in the fast paced society we live in.
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From:kickthehobbit
Date:April 15th, 2014 12:53 am (UTC)
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It's so easy to let things fall by the wayside, and difficult to pick them back up again and get back on track.

I like how you structured this.
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From:eternal_ot
Date:April 15th, 2014 06:20 am (UTC)
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That's good to hear..cheers for coming back together..all the very best!
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From:halfshellvenus
Date:April 15th, 2014 06:49 am (UTC)
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This reminds me so much of what my husband went through before his hip surgery. You reach the point when you are budgeting your activities and energy, because everything hurts so much and is such a struggle.

The absence of the pain must feel very freeing. I'm sorry that, for awhile longer, you're caught between what you want/intend to do and what's physically wise for the next few weeks.
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From:jem0000000
Date:April 15th, 2014 07:52 am (UTC)
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*hugs*
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From:aiela
Date:April 15th, 2014 01:30 pm (UTC)
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I haven't been around much, but I did want to say that I'm glad you got the surgery you need to start healing, and yes, please take it slowly. But I admire your determination to not let it set you back any farther than it needs to. *hugs*
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From:kajel
Date:April 15th, 2014 02:37 pm (UTC)
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I am in a similar position now. I had a cyst between my shoulder blades that became infected and painful for a month before being cut out. My incision is finally closed, but not quite healed. I need to begin again the exercise and keeping up what the pain allowed me to push away. Good luck!
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From:mamas_minion
Date:April 15th, 2014 05:53 pm (UTC)
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I think you are taking a good approach to healing slowly, don't try to rush. The fact that you have a plan to rebuild is a great first step.
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From:eska818
Date:April 15th, 2014 10:13 pm (UTC)
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My mom is going through a similar issue now, and I think she would probably relate to this piece very well. I like the pacing and the raw honesty. Nicely done.
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From:lawchicky
Date:April 15th, 2014 11:38 pm (UTC)
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We had a very similar take this week! So, yes, I understand.
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From:ljidolvillian
Date:April 16th, 2014 04:44 am (UTC)
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Healing is a process, nice entry.
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From:penpusher
Date:April 16th, 2014 12:55 pm (UTC)
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Very evocative pacing. Good!
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From:violaconspiracy
Date:April 17th, 2014 07:18 pm (UTC)
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It can be hard to put everything back together after an injury or illness. But at the same time, you do learn some new skills in prioritizing and figuring out what's really important. Best of luck on your path to recovery!
From:catwomon
Date:April 17th, 2014 08:07 pm (UTC)
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I'm glad the pain is less and that it is starting to come together. You are right though, it takes time and the willingness to go in small increments. I wish you the best as it continues to get better.
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